Mother-Daughter Envy

Just as your daughter is developing perky breasts above her muscular abs, yours are now able to touch that growing tire around your midsection that seemed to appear out of nowhere. As your daughter peers into the mirror voguing, you look at yourself trying to recognize the body reflected back at you.

It's NORMAL for parents to feel envious of their kids. And not just of their bodies but of their youth in general. They have their lives ahead of them, and can choose paths and partners we wished we had chosen.

While envy is normal, it's often UNCONSCIOUS and can be damaging if it's not contained. It's our responsibility as parents to explore the role envy may be playing in our relationships with our daughters.

 

In other words, if we unwittingly express our envy to our daughters, we risk making them feel a sense of guilt. They may not understand why they feel guilty, but they will resent it.

 

Even worse, as they grow up, they may inhibit themselves from reaching their full potential. Many women find themselves in therapy struggling to understand why they sabotage themselves. Of course, there are many reasons people undermine themselves but many times they realize the idea of having more or better than their mothers is too much too bear. Surpassing one's parent can be hard.

Let's support our daughters' celebration of their growing sexuality and talk to our friends and therapists about our envy.

A girl
A girl
A Girl
Feminist Parenting